More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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