Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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