U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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