Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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