the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
