As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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