I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
