thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
