It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize