didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
