SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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