i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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