Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
