PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
