Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
