ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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