I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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