It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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