This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
