terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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