just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
