"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
