i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
