paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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