so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
