Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
