Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
