not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
honey bunches of taint.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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