I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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