Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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