Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Randomize
