I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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