You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
