No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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