chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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