please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
