You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize