Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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