i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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