theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
