Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
