Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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