Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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