I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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