You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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