We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
