My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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