New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
