ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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