I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
