Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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