u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
