Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
