He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
