my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
