my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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