I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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