dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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