remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
