96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
