I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
