You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
