is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
