Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
