So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
