you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
