Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
