you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He felt like a one man threesome
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
