There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
