My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
